For some two or three weeks I’ve had this growing sense that some big change has taken place in my inner world.

The last time I wrote about my process I told of realizing the source of the depression I had been experiencing for some time. It became so clear that the depression was an outer reflection of my inner sense of powerlessness. Since that discovery I’ve experienced no depression and there’s been this growing sense of feeling anchored inside. My inner world can be tumultuous. Even at times when I appear calm, my internal experience can feel angry, volatile. As late it’s been calm; some storm has passed. And there’s a sense that the calm feeling is growing; like the inner anchor grows stronger and more reliable. And there’s also a sense that some new chapter’s begun and I can’t yet tell what this chapter’s about. And I’ve also had moments in the last couple weeks where I’ve been grumpy and imperfect and embarrassed of my behavior. And then there’s the experience of a quickened returning to this calm, anchored space inside. Like there’s some inner lighthouse that no longer lets me stay lost in the storm for too long; that calls me back home again and again.

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More and more I just notice that my power and my voice are simply there (where they weren’t before.) I just say what I say. The cork is gone, or leaving, and what I need said just comes out effortlessly. I just stand up for myself; it’s so simple. Before I needed bravery to do it, and now I don’t even need that. It just flows. And I’m also noticing the areas where my voice and power are lacking. It’s so obvious to me now. I see where to grow next.

To some this may seem like small potatoes, yet when I reflect on how I was in high school!? What a change has come! That poor, sad powerless boy. I love him deeply and work to liberate him fully.