Tag: quakerism

Prayers for the American Future

A gay friend of mine in Hollywood shared a flyer on Facebook, warning friends that a wave of MAGA supporters would soon flood their gay-friendly neighborhood—a place where they’d find little support. This reminds me of the early 90s, when powerless queer activists, many of whom were dying of AIDS, flooded into suburban malls to hold “kiss-ins.” These protests demanded that straight people see them and know that they existed. Of course, the difference is stark. The activists in the malls were without political power and facing death, and the MAGA movement is close to holding power in every branch of our government.

What do we know about movements that emerge out of anger and frustration and sweep into power? What do we know about movements that are born out of high inflation, undervalued labor, the inability to purchase a home, and the hardship of simply trying to live comfortably? What do we know about these movements led by charismatic leaders who promise easy answers? We know that these movements can go off the rails. These movements, once with power, can create great amounts of suffering. History is full of examples of this on both the left and right sides of the political spectrum. We can look Italy’s fascists, Russia’s Bolsheviks, Germany’s Nazis, China’s Red Guards, and Iran’s theocrats. Power, without the guardrails that protect humanity, can be dangerous and inhumane.

What I want my Republican-voting friends to know is that those of us Americans who are scared right now are reacting to an imagined future based on these historical precedents. The reality in this moment that the MAGA movement is not there. In this moment what is true is that our democratic institutions are still standing, our free press is still standing, and our ability to voice our frustrations is still standing just fine. We must all work together to ensure that it stays this way.

My fears stem from the words coming from the head of the MAGA movement, Trump. He speaks of there being two sides, and not a single American people. He speaks of his desire to retaliate against perceived political enemies, instead of hearing everyone’s concerns. He scapegoats powerless demographics such as immigrants, instead of doing the hard work of governance and working with all parties. His words divide us, and are meant to divide us, instead of unite and heal us.

If we draw conclusions based on Trump’s words we can imagine a future like those from history’s darkest moments. For example, Trump says he wants to deport all of our undocumented immigrants. Mass deportation of 10 million people is not just unrealistic, it would devastate the industries that keep communities stable—from agriculture to healthcare—and lead to scenes that echo the horrors of the historical movements I mentioned above. All of those movements had their own internal “enemies” and their governments used camps, deportations, and prisons to reach their own ideas of national purity.

History shows that unchecked power can gradually erode democracy, often through small steps like weakening independent courts, silencing the free press, limiting other political parties, and chipping away at civil liberties. Over time, these steps accumulate and create irreversible changes.

Overly simplistic solutions like deporting our country’s lowest wage earners by the millions will create suffering that impacts everyone. In addition to harming the lives of those directly impacted, it will dramatically increase the labor shortage already impacting all American communities, drive inflation to heights we’ve never seen, and further destabilize our economy. I ask that we recognize the complexity in our economic situation and do not take comfort in simple solutions. Solutions that do not consider all perspectives will always be false.

Here are my prayers for the days ahead:

May Republican voters and Republican politicians not be blinded by political power, and may they work to protect the elements of our democratic system, which includes the free press, an independent court system, and the civil liberties of all people.

May Democratic voters and Democratic politicians notice when they’re caught in the imaginations of the future and stay grounded in the present moment, which is the only moment where true power lives.

Instead of looking to earthly powers, such as economic and political power, may Trump discover the true power, which is born in the spiritual depths, that can guide him to become a true leader that seeks to unite all people.

May we all focus more on the health of our families, our neighbors, and our immediate communities, and focus less on national politics.

May we also keep one eye trained on our elected politicians, keep in communication with them, and hold them to the highest standards of integrity and leadership.

May we all stay firmly anchored in our senses of touching, hearing, seeing, tasting, and smelling, which keep us rooted safely in our earthly reality, and which bring joy and pleasure to our lives.

May each of us prioritize our mental, physical, and spiritual health, and seek support from our friends, family, spiritual communities, and mental health professionals when outside support is needed.

May we all remember that anything that divides is false, and that that which unites supports life.

How can each of us, with our words and action, contribute to our nation to ensure that our future is compassionate, wise, and protects the freedoms that make our culture unique?

May we all remember to breathe deeply.

Threads of Happiness

I spent $300 on an outfit for this month’s two weddings. My newly-married friend told me I needed to wear something nice! I spent a lot of emotional energy and time thinking about what to wear. I wanted something that was nice enough, that’d help me feel comfortable, and that wasn’t fancy. Ties, jackets, and dress shirts were out. I wanted everyday clothes. I bought expensive vegan Doc Marten’s shoes, a nice solid-colored flannel shirt, and a nice pair of pants and new socks. I felt great about what I found and marveled that it seemed both nice and in my style.

A few days ago, a day before my buddy’s wedding, I re-read the invitation and at the bottom it said “dress code: semi-formal.” Confused, running to ChatGPT for answers, it told me semi-formal meant a suit and tie, with a matching belt and shoes. Panicking, I looked at more websites, like Wikipedia, and did some Google image searches, and they all confirmed it: my comfy new outfit did not make the cut.

It’s hard to describe the spiral that happened; the anxiety that swept in. I could see the oncoming disaster crystal-clear in my mind: walking into the wedding as my schlub self, standing before a sea of men in stylish suits with matching leather shoes and belts, silk ties to their waists. I, alone a mess, standing before them. Maybe some whispering. Maybe my friend, embarrassed.

I’m not exaggerating. I came close to canceling. My anxiety was an 8 out of 10. In the hour before the wedding I spent 30 minutes with ChatGPT having it help me explore ways of explaining why I wasn’t dressed appropriately. It suggested, “I tend to dress simply, it’s part of my Quaker values to focus on the essentials and keep things plain.” I thought, “That might work!”

The evil genius of this anxiety was how un-insane it felt. It seemed perfectly rational. Not going to my friend’s wedding? Reasonable.

I walked into the wedding venue and my story fell down like a house of cards. Almost no one wore a full suit. And another gay guy paired his jacket and tie with daisy dukes and cowboy boots! The humor of these short-shorts pointed to the insanity of my story, which moments before felt as real as concrete. Now all that remained of it was disbelief and the laughter coming from my face.

But to go from intense anxiety and stress to laughter left me with more than relief. It also left embarrassment. How’d I allow my mind to make such a crazy story, and how’d I believe it so devoutly? How did I spend 24 hours as a mess, for nothing?

The emotional whiplash of going from insanity to clarity in an instant, that’s what I explored in therapy tonight. I told the story with a lot of humor, and I was caught off-guard by the intensity of the emotions that started to come up. The complete unnecessariness of all that anxiety and worry became clear. The invitation card wasn’t the source of my emotions. The suffering came from me! I made all that stress up. And I didn’t need to.

And I could see that the stress was much older than this wedding. I could see the same fear throughout my high school experience. Every day, for four years, I went to school marinated in the same stress and drenched in anxiety. And I could see how high school wasn’t the source of my misery any more than the wedding invite was. My mind made the suffering then, just as it did last week. I made it all up, out of love for myself, to keep me safe.

I sat quietly in therapy with my eyes shut, and in just a few minutes my mind seemed to re-record every high school memory. I saw them plainly, without all the anxiety, stress, and fear for my life. No filters or stories piled on top. Grief and relief poured out in tears.

Now, somehow changed; woven through my high school memories are some threads of happiness that I couldn’t see before and that I had forgotten all about.