Due to unparalleled orchestration from the Universe, I found myself at an ayahuasca ceremony this weekend for the first time. Ayahuasca is an ancient plant-based medicine discovered and used by the indigenous peoples of Peru and used to heal trauma. I feel very grateful for these teachers and their passing on of this knowledge for hundreds of years.

In two harrowing nights I rediscovered a deep love for myself and for my parents, broke free from self-imposed shackles that have long held me back, and resolved a hundred mini-traumas. In two harrowing nights I think I healed an equivalent to a hundred days of meditation. In many ways, I feel born again. Self-work through ayahuasca proved more excruciating than anything I’ve previously done and I’d do it again tomorrow if I could. It is a miracle. I feel deeply grateful to so many people.

For once, I think I’ll keep a post a bit short. But about rediscovering self-love, I have long sensed a deeply entrenched lack of love for my self that I’ve been unable to uproot. On the second night, in addition to so much over several hours, I was shown a slide-show of a hundred memories showing me all the ways I gave myself love and affection as a child. It flabbergasted me to rediscover my innocent sweetness. My self-loathing dissolved and it became clear: I had loved myself all along! And now all the self-loathing seems like nothing; like a shadow that is disappeared by turning on a light. What a cosmic plot twist!

There is so much discomfort in healing, and yet, on the other side, deep humor and deep love.