A friend asked what method(s) I use “to come to self-realization and clarity.” I’ll post my response here for interested others.

In short, I’d boil the evolving method down to “Observation and Acceptance.” Tara Brach calls it, “Attend and Befriend.”

So what’s observed and accepted? Attended and befriended? This is the part that has been evolving for me. Sometimes I observe the mind/thoughts/images. Sometimes I observe the body/sensations/emotions. Always I am doing a dance of the two. I flip back and forth. Sometimes I spend more time in the mind, sometimes more in the body. They are two sides of the same coin and the process is the same. Simply observe and accept whatever is happening in the moment. Byron Katie calls it “Loving What Is.” It can be a difficult, slow process and it’s an opportunity for practicing patience.

At the 10-day meditation centers I’m taught to strictly observe sensations on the body without reacting. If my nose itches, I attempt to sit, observe, and do nothing. If my back aches, I attempt to sit, observe, and do nothing. If I have anger in my chest, I attempt to sit, observe, and do nothing. The second part of this, which is just as important as observation, is the full acceptance of the sensations as they are. There is no resolution if I observe a ball of frustration in my chest and want it to be gone more than anything else. Attend and befriend whatever shows itself for love. It is paradoxical; once I come to peace with it, it may decide to move on.

Byron Katie’s self-inquiry method is also observance and acceptance. So what’s observed here and how does it differ? This method incorporates observation of the mind; observation of the mind’s thoughts and the images it shows us. If I’m inquiring on that time yesterday when a person wasn’t nice to me, I close my eyes and ask, “He wasn’t nice to me. Is it true?” And then I wait for what the mind shows me. And what it shows me, I observe and accept. I don’t judge these images and thoughts “good” or “bad.” (There are many youtube videos of Byron Katie facilitating this process and there are other questions/prompts.)

My method now incorporates observance and acceptance of both thoughts/images and sensations/emotions.

If the mind is racing with thoughts and images, I primarily focus on observing the mind. Even in doing this, I try to keep one eye on the body and observe sensations/emotions as they come up. Alternatively, if I have strong emotions/sensations throughout the body, I observe that primarily and try to keep one eye on the mind in case something begins to happen there. Sometimes I spend a minute observing the body, a minute observing the mind, a minute observing the body, and back and forth. It is a dance. I often focus on where the action is, but I do not ignore the other areas. It’s all in flux, things can change quickly, and I use my intuition to move my awareness throughout my body and mind and observe what seems right in the moment.

If the intent is healing, trust intuition to guide the process of observation and acceptance.

I often have very strong emotions in my chest such as anger, frustration, sadness, fear, and anxiety. These come up throughout every day as I go about the world. Someone “makes me angry” and my chest roars in response. I have enough experience to know that for me this anger never has to do with the person who showed it me. This is true for me for all emotions. It may appear that George “made me sad.” In my experience, George showed me pre-existing conditions. So how to get to the bottom of it and find resolution? How to find the root?

I close my eyes. I recall the situation. I look at George and see what he’s doing. I recall the space I’m in and what I’m doing. I make the situation alive again in my mind. Through this process the exact emotion will return to the body, no matter if the event was an hour ago or 35 years ago. Welcome it. As the emotion/sensation arrives I switch to observation of the body. I observe the feeling. No matter how unpleasant the feelings are, I move in the direction of acceptance. This can be very difficult for unpleasant sensations. Practice patience. I can spend a minute, three hours, or two weeks with this guest. I find that the guest remains in residence until it’s seen, accepted, and feels at home. Sometimes I say in my mind, “I see you. I love you. I’m here for you. You are welcome here.” This can be difficult for difficult emotions, so work patiently. It’s a practice.

If I’m observing a strong sensation/emotion in my body, I often use mental prompts. Keeping the eyes closed, I ask, “When did I first feel this exact sensation?” This is not an intellectual exercise and I make no effort to remember the past. I simply continue to observe the sensation and let my mind show me what the mind shows me. This is where childhood memories occasionally show themselves. Maybe George “made me sad” today. I go, I close my eyes, I observe the sadness. I ask, “When did I first feel this sadness?” and I wait. If it is ready to be seen, the unresolved past will show itself to me. The unresolved past can be seen as a hurt, scared, sad, or frightened child. The child will only come out when it feels Complete and Total Unconditional Acceptance.

Observe and Accept. Attend and Befriend. Set healing as the intention. Let intuition be the guide.

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I very much welcome feedback and hearing the processes others use.